Dream Reflection
I'm in the classroom, teaching. Students a mix from different years and schools. Classroom hot, one wall an open window.
I'm at the front of the class. Behind me, a giant marionette,
stringless, performing the same motions I make. I sweep my arm to make
a point; the marionette, several feet taller than I, mimics my
movement.
A telephone rings. A student, Michael D, who I had years ago, runs to
answer the phone. I shout that students are not allowed to answer the
class phone. Michael and I wrestle for the phone. I finally give up,
let him answer.
"Hello?...It's for you."
Suddenly nervous, I retrieve the phone from Michael.
A female voice, plaintive, says, "Brad?"
My heart pounding, I reply, "Steph?" (Stephanie is an ex-girlfriend.)
"It's not Steph!'
Trembling, I hang up.
The dream ends.
Analysis: A lot of anxiety in this dream. Does the marionette symbolize
going through the motions? Uncertainty about going back into the
classroom after two years as staff developer? The marionette might also
represent, since it's larger than I, restrictions (government, NCLB,
administrators, my own administrative goals) Who's in control? My
career out of control?
Why is Michael in the dream? My past catching up with me?
Unresolved business? Michael was a disturbed 15 year old, but not a bad
kid. Eager to please, wanting to be accepted. Never really challenged
me. Why is answering the phone so important to him? Sharing power? Finding a voice? Self-validation?
Then, why did I assume the voice to be Stephanie, whom I haven't seen
in 15 years? Unresolved business? God forbid! The past calling to the
present? And when answered, "It's not Steph," what does that mean?
Whose is the female voice? My subconscious? My feminine side? The
unknown? Future? Alternate possibilities?
That may explain my fear...so strong that I hung up the phone, only to
immediately waken and chastise myself for hanging up on her. What would
she have said next? Am I holding my own consciousness back?