How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?
How do we forgive our fathers?
Some of us make their misdeeds and
faults our own.
Then we only have to forgive
ourselves.
Some swear to become a different
kind of parent, of man, of human.
Then we only have to discover our
humanity.
Some rage, drink and drug.
Then we only have to manage our
abuses.
Some banish their fathers from
their lives.
Then we only have to deal with our
loneliness.
A few may confront, may finally
bring out their resentments, rejections and betrayals.
That makes the fathers feel guilty
or defensive, which may cause them to revert,
to exhibit the behaviors that
destroyed their families.
Some of us never forgive our
fathers.
Some struggle for years to find the
release, to fill the void, turn grief to art, to love, to hope.
Some of us deny, reconstruct our
lives to erase our fathers’ misdeeds, abuses, betrayals, destructions; instead
emphasize their love, their devotion, the flowers of joy plucked from the
fields of memory.
Some wait til it’s too late. Their
forgiveness rains tears on their fathers’ graves.
Some become their fathers.
Some embrace their fathers, but
that is the most difficult.
Broken generations, brittle lives,
love underfoot.
I beg for forgiveness…but not for
myself.